There are some things in life that don’t change. Case in point: I look sexy in clothes that reveal more skin than they cover. Guys do not.

It’s just a fact of life. Hopefully, there haven’t been many times you’ve worn a halter or high heels (and if you did, I hope you were well paid). Being seen in such things can be detrimental to your image. However, I’ll be able to save you - and me - a lot of unnecessary despair if you’ll give in to my fashion choices of what guys should wear, specifically to go out.

First things first; if I had it my way, it would be nothing. Honestly. What better way to know if that hot guy over there really has a six-pack or if he’s just hiding a beer gut behind his T-shirt? There’s no wondering involved – everything is right there in front of you. And I mean everything. Who knows? This type of party could lead to a lot of experimenting, which is fine by me. But this is beside the point. You obviously can’t wear nothing to a party. A girl can dream, though…

My first choice is always a nice, collared shirt. Perhaps stripes, maybe a light blue or green to match your eyes. Make sure you unbutton it a little, so I can catch a glimpse of what lies beneath (if you have nasty chest hair, quickly button it up to your neck). There’s nothing more I like than unbuttoning a guy’s shirt with my teeth. Well… that’s not exactly true, but it’s definitely one of my favorites. It’s also super hot when you roll up the sleeves a little bit. Let me see that nice, strong forearm and wonder if you’re up for it. Another plus to this choice is that I look damn hot in it when I wake up the next morning and can’t find my own clothes. I wouldn’t really recommend a pink or red shirt, since most girls will tend to think you are gay. Yes, there are shirts that say something along the lines of Real Men Wear Pink. But think about it – if you were a real man, would you really have to broadcast it for everyone to see?

Which brings me to another point. The whole ‘slogan’ shirt trend needs to die, immediately. Shirts such as “My Girlfriend is Out of Town” don’t do it for me. For all I know, it’s true and you’re just a skeaze who’d like to try something a little tighter for the night. Don’t be a dirtball, even if you’re just pretending. Girls like bad boys, not boys with STDs. Basically, forgo all the Abercrombie and Hollister lame-ass slogan shirts. Doesn’t matter if it’s themed – “I’m Hung Like A Leprechaun” – or insinuated – “It’s Better Topless” above a picture of a convertible. It’s NOT cute. You just look pathetic.

Next point: no beer shirts. I’d prefer no T-shirts in general, but if you must, please avoid this. No, you are not the Beer Pong Legend. If you were, your face would be on more paraphernalia than just a sentence on your crappy shirt. And trust me, we’d already know each other. Also, it looks pretty bad if you are drinking a beer and the shirt is not reppin’ the same one. Tacky much? There’s nothing wrong with drinking beer, but no girl wants to go home with an alcoholic who starts off the day mixing Heineken or Natty with cereal. (It’s called beereal, by the way).

Either dark jeans or ripped jeans are a good bet at a party. The art of jean-wearing is a difficult one, however. Too light, and you’ll look like the farmer that just stepped off his John Deere to head on down to the party in the field, y’all! Too dark and you’ll look metro. Neither is preferred. I’ve always been a fan of ripped jeans, but not with holes so big I could stick my hand through them (although I might get around to it by the end of the night). Tennis shoes or flip flops complete the deal. You’ll look pretty tasty, and who knows what’ll ensue if I happen to pop up at one of your parties? Your jaw on the floor, that’s what – and maybe a little strip show for little ol’ you. Guess we’ll see, boys. Here’s to you looking sexy as ever!