 Everybody thinks they have college-style hook-ups figured out before they get there. I know I did. Coming into my freshman year, I knew everything about dating and hooking up in college.
Classics like National Lampoon’s Dorm Daze, Porky’s, and Animal House, and stories of epic conquest from older friends had taught me everything I needed to know. Someone throws a party, girls flock to it, way too much alcohol is consumed, and then everybody, including the losers, gets lucky. Well, time to hit you with some reality, because I have discovered that this isn’t exactly how it happens.
I apologize to any male high school senior reading this, but the truth about college nightlife is rarely the scenario painted above. Sure, parties are thrown every night and hundreds of girls make their way to them, but they are not the dumb, defenseless toys that the movies often portray them to be. No girl who is worth hooking-up with gets so smashed that she is just willing to bare it all for you in a glorious one night stand. No chance. In all honesty, most girls are very responsible about their nightlife activities, limiting the amount of alcohol they drink and maintaining enough awareness to slide away from some drunk loser making obnoxious advances on the dance floor.
It is also worth mentioning that the girls who are out actually looking for some physical affection will not settle for a lowly freshman; they set their sights on fraternity counsel chairs and Lil’ Romeo (Yeah he goes to USC be jealous).
And let me tell you, freshman girls are the toughest. You might be saying, “No way, Adam! It’s way harder to land a sophomore or a junior than a freshman!” If so, you are wrong. Freshmen girls still have all of the morals that they grew up with. Many are still inexplicably clinging to their boring, unfulfilling high school relationships. Freshmen girls are respectable, aware, and smart. If you want a one night stand, don’t bet on the girl living down the hall, go for an older girl who is dancing incoherently on the dance floor.
What you should take away from this article is the following advice: drinking a bucket of alcohol will not get you laid, but it will guarantee that you make yourself look like a stupid asshole who has no self-control. Girls do not find it attractive to be so whacked that you forget what day it is, and I know several people that have made fools of themselves after drinking too much. And finally, understand that movies and tales of success are always embellished. For Christ’s sake, nobody ever had a four-some with three girls. Girls are smart, so remember that dumb tactics typically won’t work like they did in Animal House.
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