The news of Obama's average-sized member may change the face of his presidency. His "blackness," which came into question many times over the course of the election, will be scrutinized even more skeptically. 75 percent of Americans, and 98.5 percent of scared/curious white female Vanderbilt students, believe that African-Americans have significantly larger penises.

In light of this news, many of his supporters in the black community have shifted their support to Republicans. Jesse Jackson is one of these ex-supporters, "every great black leader has had a massive cock," he said, "Martin used to tape his to the side of his leg before sermons. In these dark times, that is the kind of the leader we need, someone who needs to tape theirs to their leg."

Many famous African-Americans who are notoriously "more white" than Obama are known to have huge dongs. It is well known that Tiger Woods had to change his golf swing because his 12 incher was getting in the way. Even Condoleezza Rice was rumored to have to "tuck it in" when meeting with world leaders.

Asked to comment, Obama supporter Darnell Smith said: "what's the point of a black president if he's not well-hung?" And sorority member Amy Flaherty said: "I always thought that once you go black you never go back, now I'm not so sure."

When McCain was asked to comment on his sex life he said "oh sure, it's been a while, but I can remember doing that in Vietnam." Cindy McCain could not be reached for comment.

And in the interest of full-disclosure, the author of this article is phenomenally well-endowed.