Mexico: I’m sorry you didn’t remember the application deadline until a month after all the good countries were gone. Please don’t try to turn your molehill into a mountain, we all know we’re not eating ‘real’ Mexican food in the states.

England: Not only is your fake accent terrible, it also isn’t funny. You’re sure in a great mood for someone who’s been in a country where the majority of the population is miserable. Please stop nutting yourself every time you meet a real English person back home.

France: You’re really annoying. Just because you took the AP exam doesn’t mean you can start wearing striped shirts or pronouncing French words the ‘proper’ way. Oh, and every tourist ever has kissed under the Eiffel tower, so please stop talking about it.

Italy: Even though you’re in one of the most beautiful and culturally diverse places in the world, you don’t give a shit because you’re getting extremely fucked up on a regular basis. But go ahead and post on Facebook about how much gelato and wine you’re consumed in the last month, everyone is really interested.

Russia: You’ve noticed that all your life problems don’t seem to matter here. After a couple of shots of vodka to start the morning you feel comfortable that everyone here is just as depressed as you are.

Japan: It’s cool that you’re into it, but if you ever want a girlfriend, you’re going to have to get rid of that manga collection.

China: You aren’t a Vietnam vet, so you really don’t have an excuse for that Asian chick fetish. It’s a little creepy, so please don’t talk to us about it anymore.

Tibet: Despite the fact that you’re from Connecticut, there are prayer flags all over your hemp backpack. You spent most of your trip praying that the drug sniffing dogs wouldn’t find you.

Australia: Your profile picture of you and a kangaroo is really precious. You think you visited a museum, but were too busy talking about how you feel you appreciate vegemite more than ‘your average American.’

Africa: This will look great on your Peace Corps application, but don’t be fooled. That family that calls you their child is actually not related to you. Get a grip: if you’re spending thousands of dollars to experience village life chances are you’re not really getting it.