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TCM: Welcome Lady Gaga! It’s so nice to have you here today. Thanks for coming in and opening up to us, we feel our readers will love to hear what you have to say. LG: It’s nothing really, so long as I get a good fuck out of it. TCM: Uh, what?
LG: How big is your penis?
TCM: Um, well, I’m not really sure how that is relevant…
LG: I only do interviews with dongs seven inches or longer. TCM: Shouldn’t you have asked that before you agreed to do the interview? Anyway, you’re in luck, TheCollegeMan’s penis is 46 inches long. Why does that matter? LG: We both know what I’m really here for.
TCM: An interview? LG: …Look, I didn’t fly all the way from New York to not get tied up and plowed right here on this couch. TCM: Wha… Uh… We…Oohh…
LG: Mmm… TCM: … LG: Mmm… TCM: … LG: Mmm… TCM: … LG: … TCM: … Holy shit. What just happened? Where are my pants? LG: I ate them. TCM: Whatever, crazy slut. Moving on. Lady Gaga, you’re pretty hot, I think our readers would value advice from the female side on how to pick up chicks like yourself. What do you look for in a man? LG: A big dick.
TCM: A big dick? Is that all? LG: What else is there? TCM: Oh I don’t know, personality, morals, sense of humor, looks, even money for Christ’s sake. LG: Fuck that, I want cock. Preferably now, or close to now.
TCM: You just ate my pants. Don’t you need to let your stomach rest? Regardless, let me get this straight. If some guy was an poor, ugly, drug dealing child rapist but had a big dick, you would still give him a shot? LG: Mmm… dick.
TCM: I think you might be an idiot. Describe your perfect date so I can find some new pants. LG: I like carbs and sex. A LOT of carbs and sex. Mostly sex though, throughout the date, with the carbs sprinkled on throughout. TCM: Literally sprinkled? You like carbohydrates sprinkled on you during sex? Like spaghetti? LG: Show me your poker face big boy.
TCM: I hate you. What’s it like to be compared to Madonna? LG: Awful. She’s old and ugly. TCM: I meant the Madonna of the past, before her desperate attempts to remain relevant. LG: Oh, good I guess. I bet I’m better than her in bed.
TCM: Whatever. I bet she doesn’t fucking eat pants. Those were expensive pants too. Sigh… I heard you could have attended Juilliard when you were eleven. LG: Yeah.
TCM: That’s pretty sweet. It’s probably the hardest music school in the world to get accepted into. LG: Yeah I’m pretty smart.
TCM: But you didn’t go? LG: No, too young to have sex with the other students. Plus, the music douches at Julliard are too small anyway. TCM: Why didn’t I think of that? So, theoretically you meet your soulmate and he only has a six-inch penis. What do you do? LG: Well, he wouldn’t be my soulmate.
TCM: Gaga it’s a hypothetical question. LG: My soulmate has a footlong penis. That’s it. TCM: Whe- LG: Fuck me. TCM: No. LG: NOW! TCM: No. LG: Please. TCM: No. LG: If you do, I’ll leave. TCM: K. And so TheCollegeMan satisfied Lady Gaga for the second time in one interview, and hated every minute of it. What a whore. Disclaimer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXuGLx1Fo44 |
Hello readers, and welcome to the second installment of TheCollegeMan Presents… in College. This time we are interviewing the ultra-mature and sophisticated Lady Gaga, the pop/techno singer famous for her deep, metaphoric lyrics and her impressive intelligence, as well as her very classy and respectable dress. This is some literature you can’t miss, we promise. Enjoy, loyal readers.