The next time you are at a party, step back and observe everyone else. It is clear that after one, two, or thirty shots, everyone changes. But, what do they change into?

I have compiled a short list of the various categories that a drunken person may fall into. Enjoy and while you’re reading, ask yourself: which one are you?
 

THE ANGRY DRUNK: One of the most feared and talked about drunks. Angry drunks can often be found in trailer parks, clubs, and football games. Angry drunks are pretty easy to spot. They are usually the ones arguing the rules of a beer pong game or threatening to fight you if you look at his girlfriend/beer. Angry drunks can usually find work as a frat bouncer. 

Angry drunk example - pretty drunk, and pretty pissed off.

THE CRYING DRUNK: The Crying drunk is usually a category that is dominated by females. This type of drunk will dig up anything from their past to start crying. Most of the time that thing is an ex-boyfriend or something that a current boyfriend did in the past. No act is too small to be a catalyst for the Crying Drunk. Your cat died nine years ago? That’s perfect. Grover Cleveland lost the election of 1888? Let the waterworks flow! It is proper party etiquette to try to consol any Crying Drunk.   

Crying drunk - C'mon, suck it up you pussy.
 

THE NURTURING DRUNK: The Nurturing Drunk is essential to any party. These Drunks tend to act the most like your mother. If there is spilled beer, the Nurturing Drunk is quick to be there with a rag and club soda. If someone is about to puke, the Nurturing Drunk will be there to rub his or her tummy and feed them water and bread. The Nurturing Drunk has typically been a category dominated by women, but a surprising number of men fall into this category. Frat guys, football players, are gym rats are all types of men that could be the next one to hold your hair back and tell you that you look beautiful in the shade of throw-up.

Nurturing drunk - Exactly what this girl NEEDS.
 

THE HUGGING DRUNK: Not to be confused with the Horny Drunk, Hugging Drunk’s are very content and loving drunkards. Hugging Drunks, obviously, spend the majority of their time hugging passer-bys. Anyone in an arms length of the Hugging Drunk is fair game. Also, every action at a party usually calls for a hug to the Hugging Drunk. Like, you just won beer pong! Let’s hug it out! Your girlfriend just fucked another guy! Put your arms around me, big guy! You have Chlamydia! Time for a hug, man. A sub category of the Hugging Drunk is the more homophobic High-Fiving Drunk (pretty self-explanatory.) 

Hugging drunk - Are you serious? Get off me Shamu.
 

THE HORNY DRUNK: These drunks are, obviously, the ones that try to fuck anything that moves. These can be male or female. The Horny Drunk can be split into two categories: those who actually get laid, and those who go home alone. Horny Drunks are generally shady characters that carry roofies and mixed drinks. Horny Drunks are sometimes, but not always, Slutty Drunks that are going to fuck a guy at the end of the night, regardless of their level of attractiveness or martial status. The Horny Drunk is often the least socially acceptable of all the drunks, but, more often than not, the most desired.

Horny drunk - These are the kind we're looking for.
 

THE FAKE DRUNK: These fuckers are the ones that act drunk, but are more sober than a Mormon on the Sabbath. Fake Drunks can usually be seen drinking “jungle juice” that is more juice than jungle. Fake Drunks also tend to carry around a 30-case of beer or a handle of Popov, but are never seen actually drinking any of it.

Fake drunk - Although he may look it, this guy isn't as gone as he thinks he is...Just making an ass out of himself.

My name is Pierce Couchaine and I am a Hugging Drunk. Which type are you?