 They say college is a learning experience, and I couldn't agree more. I've learned that: TA's are your best friend, always go to lab, homework is actually important, and I'll be single for the entirety of college.
Not the kind of single where I'm a badass and sleep with loads of women, but the kind where I sit at home and play Xbox. I'll present a list of reasons why I'll always be single to start us off, so you can get an idea of where my argument comes from.
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Women are too hot
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I have very little hotness freedom
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I don't do illegal stuff
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I'm nice
Guys around the globe in the college community just looked at my number one and nodded approvingly. THE first thing I noticed when I walked to my very first class was all the irrefutable hot women that were traipsing about campus. I have narrowed down why they are so hot to 2 things:
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I'm horny
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It's easy for them
The first needs no explanation, but being hot is easy for girls because of fashion. That's right, big sunglasses, tight sweatpants, tight shirts; all these things can easily put any girl's rating up 1-2 notches. So now a girl that's a 5 who would have been easy game for me (I'm a self-proclaimed 7) puts on some sunglasses and skanky pants and is level with me. What the hell! This also means an attainable 7 or 8 is now totally out of the question unless I start making six figures. My problem is compounded by the fact that girls think they are, on average, about 2 points hotter than they really are.
So we know girls can clamber their way up the hotness ladder pretty easily, but what about guys? What can we do to easily make ourselves look more attractive? The list is very limited, but one of the most effective that I've observed (vicariously) is clean cut facial hair. Well that's all fine and dandy, except I have the facial hair growth capacity of a 3 year old girl. If you disagree ladies, and think there are more ways to attain easy hotness for guys, leave some comments...please.
Alright, now this next one kills me. You're at a party, lots of people in a small dorm or apartment, not much going on. Except everyone is having a blasty blast, what gives? It's the stench that gives it away really. Booze and weed, man's best friend. I change my mind, those are two more things guys can do to up their attractiveness: give girls booze and weed. Problem is I don't do that stuff, so it would be pretty weird if I went up to a 6 (or now 8 because she has my favorite pants on) and tried to get her drunk while I just sat there sipping on my Pepsi. Actually, that is leaning a little away from weird and closer to date rape...but I digress. I have one more point to make.
I'm not a total douchebag. I don't know why, but girls go crazy for that shit. I see it time and time again. I'll see a cute girl from across the room and just when I've mustered up enough guts to talk to her, her punk ass boyfriend comes over and asks her to hold his jacket while he gets in a drunken brawl with some other tool. He refers to her as “his bitch” and loudly brags about their sexcapades, but yet she stays. I got news for you babe, you can't fix a dude like that. But hey, I don't need fixing! Isn't that great? Hello? Ah jeez...
Alas, I'm destined to loneliness because I'm a male who abides the law and respects women.
Ain't that a bitch?
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