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 Alright, TheCollegeMan is a wonderful website. No argument there. However, as stated in the title, most of the articles deal with men.
Taking this in consideration, I feel like it would be beneficial for you boyfriends out there to read an article helping you out with your girl. I figured we’d start with the most basic approach: understanding what women really mean versus what we say. These things are as obvious to us as they are oblivious to you. Here’s a few helpful hints into the mind of a female. What we say after you ask if we’re okay after a fight: “I’m okay. I’m not mad.” What we mean: “I am still incredibly upset with you. Now apologize profusely until I’m ACTUALLY okay with what happened.” What we say after seeing a pretty girl write on your wall: “She’s cute. Who is she?” What we mean: “Who is this bitch, and how do you know her? I want to know everything that’s ever happened between you two. And tell me I’m way prettier than her.” What we say after you tell us your plans for the night and we don’t like them: “Alright, you can do what you want.” What we mean: “If you do that, I will beat your ass and I swear to God you’ll be sleeping on the couch for the next two weeks.” Obviously, we are not okay with these plans, so you should offer to change them right away. We will say, “No really, go have fun.” DO NOT be tempted by this. We still want you to refuse. What we say after seeing an attractive girl walk by: “Do you think she’s hot?” What we mean: We are fishing for a compliment. We want you to tell us that we are WAY prettier than that girl. So just go ahead and say it. Whatever you do, DON’T say yes to the question. What we say, usually after a meal: “Ugh, I am SO fat.” What we mean: “Call me thin now. RIGHT NOW. OR I WILL KILL YOUR SOUL AND RUIN YOUR LIFE.” What we say: “Which one of my friends is the hottest?” What we mean: I have just asked you a question to which there is no right answer. Go buy me something. What we say: “It’s whatever. No, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” Basically, any variation of what should be something to calm you down. What we mean: “You’re fucked. I’m pissed and now you get to figure out why. Go ahead and spin the wheel of misery!” Other tips: If we text you a one-letter or one-word answer such as “K.” or “Cool”, we’re probably upset with you. Plus, the use of the period is never a good sign. Anything you’ve ever done wrong in the past is always fair game in future fights. Be aware for hints we give you. They don’t seem subtle to us. Example: “Oh, that necklace is really pretty. I bet that’d look really great on me.” This means: “Buy this for us. Not necessarily right now, but I expect you to remember this 10 months from now for my birthday.” If you want to spend time with your guys, we feel like you’re neglecting us. However, if you have a problem with us spending a lot of time with our girls, you aren’t giving us space. We will ALWAYS have complete control over your hair. Accept it. Hopefully, you will take this into consideration the next time you speak with your girlfriend. It’d probably be a good idea to print this list off and carry it around in your pocket -- that way, if she says anything on it, you can consult it and avoid any complications. I’m sure your girlfriend will appreciate it. And if you do happen to mess up EVEN THOUGH I gave you explicit instructions how not to, flowers always help. Good luck, men!
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