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 1. Thou shalt only worship one to three Gods: alcohol, TCM, and the female orgasm. 2. Thou shalt not make any idols…refer to number 1 for exceptions. 3. Thou shalt not take the Lord’s name in vain… unless during sexual climax or after dropping a heavy metal object on your foot. 4. Thou shalt keep holy thy Thursday night as an evening of spiritual revelry. 5. Thou shalt honor your father and mother because they pay for the beer! 6. Thou shalt not murder… unless…who are we kidding, don’t do it. 7. Thou shalt not sleep with another man’s girl… unless you and her are completely wasted and she is bitching about her boyfriend and you haven’t gotten any in a long time and it seems like they probably won’t be dating much longer and she is greater than a 5 or has a reasonably sized rack that offsets her unattractiveness. 8. Thou shalt not steal… unless your roommate has pissed you off because he broke commandment 7 and you want to get him back by taking his computer and throwing it off the roof on your dorm. Or your friend owes you money or anything of value and decides not to give it back and the only way to get it back is by breaking his screen to his window climbing in while he is out and never telling him you did it. 9. Thou shalt not lie…unless saying you are on the football team/in a certain frat/or has a large male member gets you laid. However, lying to your buddies about where you/when you/or what you are doing tonight is not allowed and grants you the right of being called a douche bag on a later occasion. 10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s goods…unless your neighbor happens to be a 5’9’’, blonde, well endowed girl who has an affinity for wearing those tight black leggings, ugg’s, and long black north face jacket that hides everything the tight leggings were meant to show.
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